If You Really Knew Me: A Memoir of Miscarriage and Motherhood

Mary and DeAndre’s dreams of having a child were halted when they discovered Mary couldn’t carry a pregnancy beyond seven weeks, suffering multiple miscarriages in a devastatingly short amount of time. All hope was not lost, as their doctors pinpointed the cause and cure for Mary’s recurrent miscarriages. Mary and DeAndre tenderly stepped back on the path toward parenthood, celebrating every unfamiliar milestone that brought them closer to meeting their child. Misfortune ripped apart their dreams again, leaving Mary and her doctors shocked and without answers. Through embracing spiritual support and leaning on her art to help heal her immense grief, Mary emerged from the grips of control—trying to plan every chapter of her life—into the warm embrace of surrender. Just as a new seed of hope began to bud and blossom, Mary found herself confronted with a devastating diagnosis: cancer at the age of 35. Stumbling forward into her new reality, she sought to find meaning among the sharp, glistening shards of her broken heart. “If You Really Knew Me” is a journey of heartbreak and healing, hope and resilience. Mary’s story shows us that healing is not linear and that motherhood cannot be defined in simple terms.